Feb 15, 2014

What i've learned one month home.

I wish there was more information out there on older child adoption, but there simply is not.  I understand why.  Who wants to put "their junk" out there for the world to see?  

It can be a lonely road to travel though when the going gets rough.  I would travel to Uganda in a heartbeat to bring these 2 kids home.  We do see glimpses of true joy even in the midst the storms.  

I have no regrets. Not one, but some days are HARD.

What have i learned this month???  

I have learned that bringing home a 12 year old boy is way different than a 7 year old girl. Both bring different challenges.

Bringing home and bonding with older children is also similar to bringing home a new baby.  

I have learned that i need to initiate affection.  My soon to be 12 year old son is not going to come up and give me a hug or hold my hand.  It's just not cool.  I have to be creative.  I need to put my arm around him if i walk up next to him.  I need to sneak in love pats whenever i can.  Touch matters.

Even though he acts like he doesn't like affection, i can see it in his eyes that he craves it.  It's been years that someone cared that he didn't feel well; let alone feel his forehead to see if he has a fever.  

I need to initiate eye contact.  The more times i give him a wink, the more i see him looking at me when he does something that he wants me to see.  Something so small is so big when it comes to older child adoption.  He wants me to look at him.  He wants to see me smile at him.  He wants me to look deep into his eyes even if he glances away.

Food.  Food is where the magic happens.  Pure and simple.  Kids will stop and eat when you make food. Conversation happens over food. Food brings the family together and bonding happens over food.  

Y'all adoption weight gain is real!!!  And this is why!  

Parenting is hard work.  There is no magical formula or quick fix and what works for me won't work for you.  

However there is Jesus and there is grace.  Lord knows, I am making lots of mistakes along the way and I thank God every day for His redemption.  


  1. God will show you one step at a time!! It sounds like you have much wisdom on bonding... The eye contact is so important! Gods blessings!

  2. I love your honesty friend! A four year old is hard enough and I cannot imagine all the challenges that come with missing the first TWELVE years of your kids life. Be kind to yourself, God is. :)

  3. Hey, Friend! I have wondered for a long time why adoptive parents say it is so "HARD". When you are in the "before" time of dreaming and pressing forward toward adoption, you imagine only love and happiness and fulfillment of God- dreams. Right? And then when your child/children come home it is a quick transition into a whole other world. Because the Lord is bringing our kids through foster care, I can't say a whole lot publically, but I understand "HARD" now. :) I understand what you are saying all the way.

    There is an element of it that reminds me of the later part of labor. The pains are coming so hard and close together that I remember getting very inwardly focused just trying to bear it without "freaking out". :) We are getting our children ( 3 of them ages 9, 8, and 7) every weekend for a few more weeks before they move in permanently. It is not adoption bliss. It is transition and it is very hard. BUT, we see the prize up ahead, and the joy of walking this road. Like you, we WANT to do it, love to do it. I have never experienced the closeness of Jesus as I have on this path. It is REAL and it is breathtaking at times. He is making things new in us, changing us, giving us LOVE that we didn't have before, giving us wisdom that we didn't need before but need now, stretching us and walking so close to us. It is amazing and I wouldn't change a thing. Hard is not bad.....we know this and I love how you have articulated it today! Standing with you, sister! Love and hugs!