Helpful links on Older Child Adoption & Public School

I vividly remember throwing myself into research mode when I realized that Joseph was 12 and had very little education.  He lacked all of the basics.  There were so many gaps in his education and I had no idea where to start. 

I had to constantly fight our school district for grade placement and services because of our unique circumstances.  I wanted to share some of the articles that I brought to our Care Team meetings to help educate our school administration.

Start here:  A wealth of information focused on International Adoption

Kids who are adopted have richer, more involved parents. They also have more behavior and attention problems. Why?

How Adopted Children Fare in Middle School

10 Back-to-School Tips for Adopted Children

Our Children in School: A New Challenge for Parents and Teachers

School Readiness and School Placement of a Newly Adopted Post-institutionalized Child

Learning English & School Aged Children

AGE APPROPRIATENESS AS A FACTOR IN EDUCATIONAL PLACEMENT DECISION

Myths & Realities ADOPTING OLDER CHILDREN AND CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

Parenting Your Adopted School-Age Child

Children Left Behind: International adoptees in our schools

A Qualitative Inquiry of International Adoptees in Schools

A Few New Children: Postinstitutionalized children of Intercountry Adoption 

I hope these help you.  If you have any online resources to share with me, please send them my way. 

Three Year Update

I have been hesitant to blog now that my children are older and their privacy is the utmost concern, but there is a desperate need to hear from the Moms that have journeyed before.

So here i am.

Navigating the public school system has been by far one of the greatest challenges in our adoption.  There is no right or wrong, and you will make so many mistakes along the way.  There will be tears.  You will cry.  They will cry.  

You will wonder if they will ever graduate.  You will hear, "That's why I homeschool," from your well meaning friends and it will make you feel even more like you are an utter failure.  

We can simply try, fail, and then get back up and try again.  What works for me will not work for you, but we can learn from one another.

It's HARD.  Oh so hard.  

Joseph is 15 now, and still in middle school.  When he came to live with us, we made the decision to put him in 5th grade at 12 years old and because of never setting foot in school before, we had him repeat 5th grade. 

The days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months.  We realized he loved to run and HE WAS GOOD AT IT!  He started playing the saxophone and we saw him THRIVE.  

We saw his self esteem flourish on the track.  I realized that sports and band were just as important as academics.  Then 7th grade rolled around and we realized he would lose his eligibility to run track and play basketball because he would age out.  The same thing would happen his Senior year of High School.  

At the time of trying to figure out grade placement, we didn't realize he would age out of sports.  Sports wasn't even on the radar.  We were so focused on what he was behind in academically, that we didn't see the importance of rounding out his education.

I talked to a local charter school and explored our options there, but realized they didn't have the ESOL support that our districted school had.  I had round robin meetings with the Care teams that deal with this sort of situation, but we are truly a unique case.

Then one day, i simply poured my heart out to the principal.  She told me about a program where Joseph could combine his core middle school subjects and finish them in one year so he could move on and not lose his eligibility.  Essentially, he could do 7th and 8th grade together.  

And this is where we are at this year. In August, he will be in high school, one grade placement behind his peers.  He will not lose his eligibility to play high school sports and he will continue to play the sax.  

I have lots of fears over this decision, but i'll save that for another post. 

I am a Christian Mom and i send my kids to Public School

My name is Sheila and i'm mom to 5 kiddos (Two recently adopted from Uganda) and i send my kids to public school.

{{GASP}}

I sent them to school even when they barely knew English.  Less than a month after being home and they have attached to our family just fine.

I have wrestled with this.  Everyone i know seems to homeschool.  If i read blogs on adopting the older child, they homeschool.

There is a pressure on Christian Moms.  A pressure to explain why we don't homeschool or at least send our kids to a Christian school.

There is an even greater pressure in the adoption community, esp if you adopt an older child, on why you send your child to public school.

So why does our family send our kids to public school?

1.  We know God is sovereign.  He controls every little detail of our lives.  Nothing i do is a surprise to him.  Although, i do wonder if He face palms himself some days with some of my decisions.

2.  I have never wanted to keep my children in a Christian bubble.  We listen to Christian music.  Most of my friends are Christians.  We are actively involved in Church.  My kids know nothing other than Jesus.  Sending them to public school exposes them to the world.

3.  When i was 12 years old I heard about this fun place to go on Weds nights called Awana.  A local church's bus ministry came through my neighborhood to pick me up.  I didn't grow up in a Christian home, but a little girl in a public school, invited me to church and my life has been changed ever since. I want my kid's to have the opportunity to tell another friend about Jesus.

4.  I don't want to homeschool.  At all.  I don't feel called to do it.  I have been on that horse once and vowed never to do it again.  I felt as if i wasn't in the center of God's will even though "Good Christian Moms" are suppose to do this.  I was miserable.  My daughter was miserable.  It lasted for a  very short season.

5.  I feel God calls everyone to different things in different seasons in our lives.  Does this mean we will public school forever?  No, but i have no doubt that we are in the center of God's will in this season.

6.  I feel even if i make a mistake that God can right any wrong in my children's lives.  Rom 8:28

7.  We are a family of 7.  Finances can be tight.  My children love to play instruments and it's FREE in the public school.  TOTALLY FREE.

8.  I love to volunteer in the public school.  There are so many kids that come from broken homes.  I love to be in a classroom loving on a child that doesn't get any love at home.

9.  I have had absolutely NO ISSUES.  Nada.  Not one.  If anything has come up, the teachers were quick to resolve it.  My kids haven't come home indoctrinated in the cult courtesy of Common Core.

10.  I totally trust Jesus with my kids.  I have seen Jesus send FABULOUS teachers/mentors/believers into my kid's lives.  In school.  In public school.  

I have to trust that where i fail as a parent, God will fill in the gaps.  Figuring out how to parent an adopted child through the public school system is daunting and at times, it's down right maddening. 

Even when we fail, when we fall flat on our behinds, we can trust that God loves our children even more than we do.  

That's a promise i cling too.

DeCluttering my soul...

Get Stuff. Buy Stuff.  Buy More stuff. 

Clutter.

Answer emails.  Answer more emails.  10 minutes turn into an hour.

Clutter.

Check Facebook.  Check Instagram.  Get nothing done.

My soul has become cluttered.  

My goal for the next month is to live more intentional.  To escape the things that really do not matter.

I do not want the clutter in my life to steal my joy.

"In quietness and rest shall be your strength."  Isaiah 30:15

I need quiet.  

I need rest.  

I need to sit and be still. 

I need to focus on decluttering my soul.  

1.  I am stepping away from Facebook for a short season.

2.  I am going to be intentional with my prayer life.  Actively taking timeouts to simply be still and talk to Jesus.

3.  I am going to go through my home and purge. Because purging souls my soul.

I have 3 weeks until my kids go back to school and during this time i am going to try to be still and be real with myself because at the moment, my soul is simply cluttered.

Happy Decluttering!

Public School & The Adopted Older Child Part 4

This month we met with the CARE team members and came up with a "game plan" that we all agree with.  The team consisted of:

ESE Liaison
School Psychologist
Guidance Counselor
Sp/Lang. Pathologist
ESE teacher

We determined that placing a child with limited education into an ESE class would NOT meet his needs.  He does not have a learning disability and is simply having to play catch up.  They gave us the option of "opting out" of standardized testing.  

Seriously...what good comes out of Joseph taking a 5th grade FSA test when he's currently 3 grades behind?  What has happened to common sense in education?

He will receive ESOL support 3-4 times a week and Tier II help in reading and math.  Tier II supplemental instruction is for students not making grade level benchmarks.  They will provide small group instruction (3-5 students)  no less than three times per week for a minimum of 20-30 minutes on top of ESOL support.

He will continue to have him remain in a mainstream classroom and will advance into Middle school next year.  We chose to have him repeat 5th grade this year so he will be entering Middle school at 13.  We are still not sure how this will affect sports and this is a huge concern for us that will need to be addressed next year.

Just when i have things figured out this year in elementary school, Middle school is coming up quickly.  I need to meet with the ESOL liaison and figure out the game plan for next year. 

In a nutshell, this process starts all over for Middle school.

Public School & The Adopted Older Child Part 3

This past month I have sat down with a team of doctors and had Joseph evaluated so we can bring this information back to the school and come up with an educational plan that we can all agree on.

Clearly, the plan that he is on in the Elementary level is simply not working.  

Do i blame the school?  Absolutely Not.  They simply are using ESOL strategies for a student that speaks their native tongue in the home, and Joseph does not.  

I have 4 Associate problems that he was diagnosed with that range from Academic Underachievement Disorder to Reading Disorders.  Of course, these are not permanent, but the school is bent on labeling students and not using common sense so i walked out with my handy dandy consult report and brought it back to the school.

Joseph has had 1-2 years of formal schooling in Uganda.  We fought tooth and nail for him to start at the beginning, but he was 12 when he started school.  The best we could do was 5th grade.  They were gracious enough to fight for him to repeat 5th grade.  

I do feel that academically he would have been better off at the middle school, but not developmentally.  Our area has a strong ESOL/ELL program for Middle school students.

Tomorrow i take our "diagnosis" and sit with A CARE (Children At Risk in Education) Team and discuss our new plan of action.  

I am not sure if i want an IEP plan.  He simply is behind because of a LACK of education.  Nothing else.  No learning disability.  He needs time and extra pull out services.  He does not need standardized testing telling me that he is behind.  I know that.  Common sense.  

I am amazed at how much progress he has made in one short year.  In a fairy tale school world, i would love for him to go half day focusing on the ESOL/ELL block in Reading/Language, Math, Band, and PE.  

My heart hurts for the ESOL/ELL students that fall through the cracks.  For the families that do not speak English.  Navigating the public school system is a nightmare.  Fortunately, i know the ins and outs of it, but kids shouldn't be falling through the cracks because of their age.  

And they definitely shouldn't be taking a 5th grade Reading/Writing FSA test when they are at a 1st/2nd grade reading level.  Thank you State of Florida for giving my child "extra time" as an accommodation.  He simply has a longer time to stare at words that mean NOTHING to him. 

Public School & The Older Adopted Child Part 2

I have realized that navigating the public school system has been a completely different experience with our adopted children.

When Brenda came into our family, she was just shy of 7.  We decided to place her in 1st grade (March 2013) for the remainder of the school year.  Because of standardized testing in 3rd grade, we have found that there are an abundance of ESOL/ELL resources for the younger grades.

By the end of 2nd grade, she was already on grade level in both English and Math.  All of this happened with very little effort on my part.  She was in a classroom that was surrounded with sight words, colors, basic addition and subtraction facts and her teacher tailored her work specifically for her.

She is thriving in 3rd grade.

I was naive to think Joseph would have a similar experience.

Joseph started school in Feb 2014 at age 12.  We placed him in 5th grade and we had realistic expectations.  In Uganda, Joseph had minimal schooling so we knew we had lots of work ahead of us.  

We took this opportunity to immerse him into American culture and he loved it. He loved recess, computers, art, music, and socializing with the other children.  He joined a soccer team and we have seen his personality shine through the extracurricular activities offered through the public school system.  

We knew that he was no where ready for middle school so we begged for another year in 5th grade.  
We had to fight the school board for this, but eventually we all decided another year in elementary school would be in his best interest. 

He is currently in 5th grade again this year.

This year (at home) we have focused on Dolch sight words, Rosetta Stone, Reading Eggs and basic math facts. He also spends time reading out loud or reading with the help of the Tag reader pen. 

Highly recommend Reading Eggs!!!

In school, he is pulled out for ESOL/ELL services 3 times a week for 30 minutes a day.  The rest of his day is spent in a mainstream classroom.  

Our ESOL services are limited in grades 4th/5th as they focus on the younger grades because of standardized testing.  Even though Joseph is a struggling reader our district offers no services for his grade, yet they offer reading camps for grades below 3rd.  

This drives me nuts!

It's been a struggle to fight for the services that would allow him to succeed.  Services that i know he would benefit from.  I have hit road block after road block fighting for services that i know he needs.  

For example, they need to test him in his native tongue to qualify for certain programs.  As with most adopted children, English is his stronger language now.  He does not speak his native tongue at home like most ESOL children.

Honestly, the majority of his learning happens at home, as i feel he is lost in the shuffle.  The school system simply does not know how to provide the services that an internationally, older child, adoptee needs.  

Do i feel he gets what he needs at school?  No.

But, i also do not feel that he would thrive in a homeschool environment either.  We are a work in progress navigating the public school system with an older adopted child.

This is unchartered territory with little information out there.

I have another meeting in a few days to tailor Joseph's learning plan.  I will keep you tuned.

Public School and the Older Adopted Child

Navigating the public school system with an older adopted child is extremely difficult especially for a child with little schooling.

In Feb 2014, we decided to place Joseph (age 12) into the 5th grade.  Actually, we didn't have a choice.  The school board wanted to place him into middle school, but we knew he was no where emotionally ready for 6th grade, let alone academically.

He didn't speak any English and we knew that he came from a background that relied heavily on memorization.  He could read "some" English, but had no idea how to blend those sounds, nor did he understand what he was reading.

We knew that very little schooling would happen that year, but he would learn socially from the other children.  He picked up English fast and by the end of the school year he had mastered conversational English with a very heavy accent.

Summer came and went and we fought hard to have him repeat 5th grade again.  We were met with a fight by our local school board, but eventually they agreed with us that another year in elementary school would be best.

Sadly, our public school system has a very weak ESOL/ESL program.  Internationally adopted children are not your typical ESL students.  They do not go home and speak their native tongues.  Many of the resources are for students that are bilingual.  Our kids quickly dump their language as they acquire English.  It's a very difficult place emotionally esp. with an older child because they struggle to express themselves.  They have fast lost their native language and can only speak basic English.

We focused heavily on Rosetta Stone and basic math facts over the summer and saw huge gains.

Towards the end of the school year, i stumbled upon this website:
http://www.bgcenter.com/adoptionPublication.htm

I spent the next few months researching how to navigate the public school system, esp one that was clueless with children that were adopted internationally.

I'll will share more next time.

2014 in Review

We officially became a Family of 7.

We bought a Nissan NV to shuttle us all around.  We love it!

We play soccer.  A lot of it.

Joseph did his first Easter Egg hunt.

We do hair family style.

We visited Papa.  How we miss that man.

We played lots of family games.

We swam with cousins.

We spent LOTS of time in the car.

We went to the Aquarium for the first time.

We ran running races.  And we won.

Joseph is fast.  Very fast.  This sport united us as a family.  Game changer.

We live in a place where people vacation.  We are blessed.

We have fun.  

We went to Sea World together.

We have a special bond that is unbreakable.

Brenda caught up to grade level and Joseph is well on his way.

We play make believe.

We broke bones.

We became American citizens and have passports to prove it.

We went Trick or Treating.

We are learning how to shoot.

We are doing fabulous in school.

We celebrated Christmas for the first time in America as a Family of 7.

We love one another.

We won All you can Eat chicken wing contests.

We took 1st place in School runs.  

We decorated Ginger bread houses.

We run Just Because.

We cherish Family.

What is wrong with me?

I am drawn to the message of Jesus and have been from a young age.

When i think of Jesus, i think of His love, His generosity, His servant's heart, and His hope.  

I want that in my life. 

I need that.

I am so passionately in love with Jesus that my heart aches over what I'm about to write.

I know that I'm a hot mess and i know that i need Jesus.  I know that i need community. The body of believers.  

But why do i feel like such an outsider?  Why do i feel like i never measure up?  A mere student among the Christian professionals?  

Why do i feel like i need my defenses always up?

Why do we have to pretend like we have it all together?  All the time.

Why do we all have to align ourselves with right wing politics?  

Why do we have to judge one another because of our political views, social media posts, or traditions?  

Why do i feel like i have to walk on eggshells?  Why do i feel that i can't be who i really am?

Why can't i bring my hurts, habits and hang ups to the alter and share them with believers?  

Why????

I know I'm not the only one facing this discontentment.  

I always thought that people who stopped going to church were giving up on God, but now i wonder if they are just giving up on the body of believers.  

Giving up on people just like me.  They were tired of simply wanting to be heard.  

Wanting to say, "I am hurting and I need Jesus."  

But i was too busy to hear.

If you speak out about this, you're accused of bashing the body.  

I am simply saying, the struggle is real.  The flock is leaving.  

Maybe i'm wrong in feeling the way i feel. But i do know, i'm not alone.

Jesus, bring revival and let it start with me. 

Thankfulness

This year marks our first year as a family of 7.  I am blessed beyond measure to mother these 5 gifts of mine.  

I am thankful that my kids haven't realized that i have absolutely no idea what i'm doing.  Parenting is hard!

I am thankful for seasons of loneliness because it is spiritually powerful.  It forces me to push beyond fear as i seek the community that i need.

I am thankful for my husband that is the calm to my chaos.

I am thankful for Netflix which allows me to watch 5 seasons in one month.

I am thankful that my kiddos are self sufficient.  Gone are the days of wiping little butts or buckling car seats.  

I am thankful for prayer.  It has taken me over 25 years to realize that God wants me to talk to him simply about everything.  Nothing elaborate.

I am thankful for Thirst busters.  My most favorite thing ever!!  I will drive 5 miles out of  my way for good Diet Coke.

I am thankful for Super Walmart.  I hate that place, but i have the money to walk in there and buy groceries.  So many people do not have that luxury.  

I am thankful when my children see me in a crowded room, they ALL light up with a smile.  They still want to be around me.  I know this season will end soon.

I am thankful that i get to see the excitement of Christmas on these 2 faces this year.  

1 year with Joseph and what have i learned?

I still can not believe it's been one year that we have been sleeping under the same roof.  One year that we stepped onto that plane boarding Uganda to become a family of 7.

What a year it's been!

I stand in awe of the young man that Joseph is growing into. Watching the bond that Joseph and Brenda have melts my heart.  Hearing Brenda tease her big brother or him telling her stories about Uganda remind me of why we are on this journey.

As difficult as some days are, they are completely beautiful.  Hard but glorious.  Messy but redemptive.

What have i learned this year?

1.  I have learned that I have absolutely no idea what i'm doing as a parent most days.  What worked last month has already gone out the window this month.  We are truly a work in progress.

2.  My relationship with Micah is the single most important parenting tool i have.  We are a united front most days.  The kids find stability in that.  Life may be crazy and chaotic, but they know Dad will always back up what Mom says.  And vice versa.  The kids know that disrespect will NOT be tolerated in our home.  

3.  Despite artificially twinning my oldest and middle daughter, we have had no issues.  At all. I love to see the bond that my younger girls have.  They are truly best friends.

4.  Despite reading every adoption book out there, when an issue arises, i draw a blank.  

5.  This year has been very lonely.  Simply, people do not get the journey we are on.  It's hard to protect our family's privacy and share our challenges. 

6.  Brenda and Joseph's adoption journeys have been completely different.  
Different ages + different genders = different issues.  
Adopting a 7 year old was a piece of cake compared to a 12 year old.  A 7 year old little girl wants to sit and snuggle.  A 12 year old boy wants a fist bump.  

7.  I need to make an effort to praise my children more.  So often, i get caught up in what my children are not doing right.  I have learned genuine praise builds self esteem in all children.  Praise is Important to raising a confident child. I am a work in progress.  

8.  I love my children more than anything.  They bring me so much joy.  I love to watch them play and hear them laugh.  I love to watch their personalities unfold.  I love to see them grow and flourish. They truly are my greatest blessings from Jesus.

9.  My heart breaks for my children because i can't fix what breaks their hearts.  I can't fill the void in their life.  I will never replace their mother, nor do i want to.  I can simply pray for their hearts and for Jesus to fill in the gaps that i fail them.

10.  Prayer.  It is so important.  It's the glue that holds this family together.  

October Happenings

This Happened!  

After a bit of red tape, we have a passport!

My big kid twins.

My littlest man fractured his growth plate.

My little girl twins.

18 months....

Happy 8 months to Joseph and 18 months to Brenda this month!!  

I can honestly say we have settled into smooth sailing!  God is so so so Good!

Choosing Joy when i'm not feeling it.

The season of life that I am in now is not going to be my season of life forever.  These are the words that i find myself repeating on an hourly basis.  

Life just has a funny way of just happening.  

Adoption can put the vow "for better or for worse" to the test in a marriage. And that's FOR REAL!

So how do i weather this storm??? 

I must choose JOY even when i don't want to.

Joy in the midst of the uncertainty.  

Joy in the midst of what feels like an identity crises.

Joy when i want to bawl my eyes out.

Right now the season of my life is enjoying these moments that I am completely forced to trust in God's perfect timing. 

God’s plans are almost always different from our plans, but His plans are always perfect! 

I need to have the patience to wait on His timing instead of forcing my own.

I need to fully focus my energy on what THIS season of life is about, and when the seasons change I’ll work on whatever new purposes need to be accomplished.

After all...

We can’t always control what happens to us, but we can always control how we choose to respond.

Choose joy.