Living a radical life...

First, let me start off by saying that i honestly feel all Christians are called to live a radical life.

We are a mere 9 days and a wake up before we travel as a family of 5 to become a family of 6.

Am i excited?  Absolutely!

Am i nervous?  You betcha!

Do i know what the future holds?  No!  Does anyone?

BUT--Something is missing!  And it's been missing for a little bit.

I am neck high in adoption stuff.  We have 7 suitcases packed.  The kids are vaccinated.  We have our taxes done.  We have umpteen copies of our paperwork!  We are ready to go! 

But something is still missing...

I was sitting in church today and it felt cold.  It has NOTHING to do with my church, but i just haven't felt that closeness to Jesus that makes my heart pound. 

I remember praying to God asking Him to give me a sign.  (I'm a lightning bolt kinda gal.)

I remember telling Jesus, "I will do whatever you ask.  I will live a radical life.  I will sell everything i have.  I just need to hear you.  I need direction. Just speak to me Jesus!!"

And in that still small silent moment God spoke.  Y'all didn't hear it???? 

Seriously...He said to me, "Sheila, I'm here.  I'm in the mundane while YOU'RE trying to live the radical."

My heart was ripped into two.  As we are preparing to venture into this new season of our life, I've missed God. I've missed Jesus in the mundane.  The God that created the heavens and the earth.  He also created the radical and the mundane!

You see, Satan has been keeping me busy trying to live the radical life.  I haven't sat at the feet of Jesus in some time.  Sure, I've been in my bible.  I've been to church, but i haven't had the hunger for God's word like i should because I've been busy trying to live radically for God.  That's a fine line to walk.

Contentment is hard for me.  Relishing where God has me at this very moment is a difficult concept for me to grasp.  I'm truly a work in progress.  Aren't we all? 

I still long for that crazy, radical life.  I still pray for that next big thing God wants to do. But i don't want to miss Jesus in the process.